I define success for myself as being happy and proud of what I have accomplished. Growing up, I think that the goals of my peers and my parents definitely influenced me into thinking that any accomplishment worth pursuing should be huge. Becoming someone who exuded what is generally known as “success” often clouded my ability to see what I really wanted to do. I went through all of high school telling anyone who asked what I wanted to do when I grew up that I wanted to earn an MD/PhD without really understanding what all of that education would entail. That’s why I now, as a sophomore in college, am struggling to really determine what I want to do after I graduate from Wesleyan. I would say that I am learning to be successful (which is a success of its own) at introspection and asking myself (and truthfully answering) what I want out of my life. I am choosing to define success as being happy and content with my choices. I will be successful when I can say without hesitation that I am on the path meant for me.
Module 4 made me think about my past identity consonance and dissonance and especially about my career as an athlete. Being a competitive swimmer from ages 8-16, the swimming world consumed most of my life. Almost all of my friends were swimmers, and I was often surrounded by girls who didn’t share my cultural identity or other interests. While I was a swimmer, I felt that feeling of identity consonance: being a part of a team gave me a sense of belonging, and even if I wasn’t one of the faster swimmers, going through the tough practices created a bond between us. When my migraine attacks started to become more frequent, however, I started to feel a negative identity dissonance. I hadn’t realized up until that point that my relationship with swimming as a sport and as a community didn’t align much with me anymore. Giving up being a competitive athlete was one of the hardest processes I’ve had to go through because it had grown to almost become my entire identity. Learning to exist outside of swimming and eventually returning to the sport as a coach taught me how to deal with feelings of discourage, loss, and fear.
Looking at my current task of figuring out my future goals, the struggle I had in evolving away from competitive swim is helping me to put my decisions into perspective. Although it was difficult, I am happy that I experienced that transition from identity consonance into negative identity dissonance because it showed me what that feeling looks and feels like. Now as I am looking more into what being a practicing doctor, a research scientists, an educator, etc. looks like, I hope that even if I get attached to one career and find out that it may not be the right fit for me, I can apply my past experience with competitive swim to help me find a new and more successful (for me) path.
